Hubs Wants a Say In the Home Decor, Because It’s His Home Too?

Dear Laurel,

After two failed marriages, I finally found the love of my life. We married several years ago and are now living in a fabulous city in a cool modern apartment.

The home decor, however, has been somewhat of a challenge.

And while a happy pairing is a great blessing — consider that having a man in your life means living with his stuff. And if you’re into home decor like I am, some of it is not my cup of anything.

 

The above image is what I’m talking about. Weirdness prevails!

 

This is home decor from an actual surface area in our apartment.

 

On the right we have a pair of tasteful antique candlesticks. To the left… an acrylic diorama of the Red Sox’s Fenway Park (World Series Winners!) WHICH LIGHTS UP. 

I mean, really, what would you rather illuminate your living room with? Candlelight or MLB memorabilia? PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED.

 

hmmmmmm… let me think.

 

My husband is so proud of himself that he added his own touch to our home decor.

 

However, Laurel, I don’t actually recall giving him permission to decorate our home. ;] And, then he muttered something about “I live here too.”

Yes, yes, of course he does, but does that mean that we have to live with this eyesore in our living room?

 

I often wonder, after reading your wonderful blog posts — do your readers have husbands?

 

And if so, how do they tame them compromise? Do the wives stuff their husbands under ottomans? How do you keep them from their worst decorating impulses? (Mine had a *wagon wheel coffee table* when I met him. No hipster irony. He *liked* it.)

Maybe you’ll consider a HOW DO I LIVE WITH THIS CRAP?! post.

Best,

Tracy

*********

Hi Guys! First of all, I have a monster cold that I definitely don’t need. (well, who does?) But I still need to create a blog post. Please don’t argue with me. Thank you. :]

Tracy is a real reader, and not only that, she’s the beautiful and extremely talented author of the amazing blog Chump Lady and a 5-star rated book, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

Good times.

If you like my sense of humor, you’ll be doubled over even more so with Tracy’s telling-it-like-it-is, colorful writing style and no-nonsense advice for those who’ve been “chumped.” by their spouse.

And that’s all I have to say about that; except that Tracy’s beautiful love story gives me hope.

 

Here’s what I wrote back to Tracy:

Now, I would like to share my story regarding my wasband’s home decor and how I handled it.

 

Oh, you thought I was going to share something else?  Ummm… no. :]

When, I first met my wasband near the end of 1986, he lived in a very nice, albeit plain one-bedroom apartment in the Flat Iron District in NYC– uhhh… across the street from Resto Hardware. I talked briefly about it in this post.

Back in those days, just before I met him, I was still a struggling artist and my one-bedroom apartment on West 78th st had almost nothing in it. I had everything I could do to cough up the rent every month.

 

And while my then, boyfriend’s furniture was not my taste, it was a huge upgrade for me.

 

And, at the time, I was working in an art gallery in SoHo which sounds a lot better than it was. I hadn’t made the switch to interior design until 1988.

However, after we were married in the summer of ’88, and had a couple of semesters of interior design studies under my belt, one day I said:

“You know those brass urns from India, with the dried dust collectors?” Can we get rid of them? They really aren’t my thing. There was more, but I figured that I’d start small.

They were something like this, but about double the size.

And, I guess while we were still living in New York City, it still felt like HIS apartment. And then, when we had a baby, in 1990, it became HIS apartment. Speaking of. The “baby” is coming by for dinner, a sleep and then leaving for a gig in the A.M. Well, better than nothing.

Over time, I was able to largely shift my wasband’s taste which wasn’t terrible, to begin with. Or else, he just went along with whatever I wanted. I’ll never know.

 

During my business years, I had numerous situations where the husband and wife didn’t agree, but more often than not, they either did agree or one of them was the dominant decision maker.

 

And it wasn’t always the wife. Nosiree! In fact, I would say that there were about dozen clients over the years where the husband was the one I saw for most appointments. In fact, there are a couple of clients where I NEVER saw the wife! He worked at home and she didn’t.

 

But, here’s my take on what to do when there’s a clash in the home decor department.

 

Start out like this:

Wife: DH I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that collection of bottle caps that you’ve collected in those huge glass jars? Is that something you’d like to keep?

 

DH: Hell YES, woman! I’ve been collecting those since I was nine! I once counted the bottle caps in one of the jars and there were 5,362 bottle caps. Don’t you dare get rid of them!

 

Wife: I see… Okay, honey.

Here’s what’s important.

Acknowledge his collection in a positive way and try to figure out if there’s a better place for the three jars than on the newly refurbished vintage Ming Coffee table in your beautifully decorated living room.

In other words, don’t try to take away from him, that which he loves. The bottle caps undoubtedly have sentimental value. But, you already know this.

 

However, if decorating is important to you, it’s one of those things that I’d talk about before getting married, just so that it’s clear that the wife makes all of the decorating decisions.

 

Really, you know that I’m joking. I am going to get skewered, I can just feel it. Please don’t. Having a cold is enough torture right now.

What about the typical “manly touchstones” when it comes to home decorating?

 

Well, you know there are at least 16 posts which discuss differing decorating opinions and some of them are so common to the point of being cliché.

 

Barbara Purdy

Working with Stained Wood Trim

 

Apartment Therapy

Should You Paint The Stained Wood Trim?

 

He Refuses to paint the blue painted trim

 

M Woodruff Designs

 

A Husband Who Loves Their Ugly Brick Fireplace (not that one)

 

Nancy Keyes on Instagram

 

He Loves The Ugly Stone Fireplace (not this one either)

 

He NEEDS an obnoxious recliner. This post also shares some cool recliners.

 

 

The husband wants to keep his big black bachelor sofa (yes, this one)

 

He needs a sofa in the living room that doubles as a bed.

 

 

The need for a sectional sofa.

 

A Husband Fears Leaving His Comfort Zone and Needs To Hang on To that Matched Set of Dining Furniture

 

He thinks that all wall mirrors are tacky   (one of my favorites)

 

Ben Pentreath’s dining room in Dorset

 

A young couple discovers they have very different decorating styles

 

A married couple who don’t see eye-to-eye on farmhouse style decor

 

sfgirlbybay – photo – Lili Glass

This husband is insisting that white walls are boring. They can be. But, not if done right.

 

Ralph Lauren

 

And, this fun post where the husband likes light and bright and the wife wants everything to be dark and moody

 

please pin me to pinterest

 

Okay, that should keep you busy for a while. haha!

xo,

 

 

PS: Please be sure to check out the newly updated hot sales!