A Modern Apartment Disaster with a Killer View

Hi Everyone,

Today was the first time I spent hours on Picmonkey after my wrist injury. 7.5 weeks ago. At the same time, I can’t say that it was quite as easy as it was eight weeks ago. I was able to do it, for which I’m grateful, and it was only a little bit painful.

Okay, today, I have a special treat for you.

It’s one of those

 

“This is not what I meant by taking a modern apartment and turning it into a classical home.”

 

An Elevator Building Means A Boxy Modern Condo. Help!

If you missed it, we began looking at that in the last post. 

 

The original idea for the post was for me to give you some of my best recommendations for mouldings for a boxy room with eight-foot ceilings.

 

And we will get to that, but in the meantime, darling Randy, a long-time reader with fantastic taste sent me this real estate listing, and since it’s related to the modern condo post, I thought I would interject it into the topic at hand.

This modern apartment, well, really a condo, is located in a popular western city that begins with a V in the country directly above the United States.

 

Randy said the modern condo post was most timely because he’s considering moving to a modern elevator condo, and for many of the reasons spelled out in the previous post.

 

Randy also sent me a few other apartments, and all of them have floor-to-ceiling windows. There’s another unit in this building that’s on the market for an additional $400,000, and it’s pretty much the same size.

All of the apartments need work, but this one, well… I’ll show you in a sec.

 

However, you can follow along by checking out the listing here.

 

The poor people who did this. Oh my… I imagine that they desperately wanted to turn their empty-nester home into the charming center hall colonial home they raised their three children in.

 

This place fit the bill in terms of location, price, amenities, and yes, a killer view.

However, the style of this modern apartment built in 2016 didn’t suit their taste at all!

Well… Mr. and Mrs. Trad Alltheway figured they had the solution when they hired their favorite decorator, Sally Ersatz, who told them she would turn this place into the charming retreat they were yearning for.

In truth, Sally had only specked some drapes, wallpaper, and paint colors for the Alltheways. However, she was delightful to work with, and they trusted her judgment and taste, so they left Sally with the keys and the Alleways left town.

 

While the work was being done, the empty nester couple left to visit their kids and then vacationed in Italy.

 

Eight weeks later, they returned, and Sally met them at the apartment, beaming.

At first, the Alltheways were impressed with the thoughtful work. But after Sally left, the Alltheways began unpacking their things from their travels. Mr. Alltheway turned to his wife, Betsy and said, “Honey, is this what you had in mind?”

The instant he got those truthful words out, Betsy began sobbing.

They weren’t tears of joy, either.

 

I thought she would do a better job integrating the traditional decor we love, bearing in mind that this is still a modern apartment. Trad nodded in agreement.

 

“Well, we can’t afford to rip it out,” said Trad. “Maybe when our furniture arrives, it will look better.”

Of course, it didn’t.

Betsy and Trad chalked it up to a lesson learned. However, three months later, they gave a housewarming party for six of their closest friends.

 

When Betsy walked out of the kitchen, she saw the women huddled by the ugly stacked stone fireplace surround, pointing and laughing… But the second Betsy appeared, they suddenly became very quiet.

Betsy smiled and said, “Yes, yes, I know… the decor sucks. And unfortunately, we paid a lot of money to have all of this crap put in, in an attempt to make this place more traditional. However, I know. It’s all way too much and looks ridiculous.”

 

And then they all had a good laugh, and the rest of the evening was wonderful.

 

Still, one day, about two years later. Trad was home, sick with an awful cold. Betsy brought him some tea and toast and sat down on the bed next to him to rub his back.

Trad said, “Darling… I know we said this was going to be the last home we were going to purchase, but I really hate it. Let’s figure something else out.” Betsy confessed that she longed to be closer to two of their children who were living in Toronto.

Next thing they knew, the Alltheways moved across the country to Ontario and put this modern apartment abomination on the market.

That was six months ago…

 

Laurel, are you going to stop talking nonsense and show it to us already? 

 

No, I’m going to go to sleep, as a good septuagenarian should. ;]

Hang on, please.

 

 

No captions. However, as y’all can see, this place is having a serious identity crisis. The stacked stone is setting the tone, but it’s at war with the polished cherry hardwood flooring and ridiculous mouldings.

Then, there’s the abundance of granite that’s clashing with the stacked stone.

However, the biggest mess is the abundance of poorly proportioned so-called classical motifs mouldings. Some of them, like the window casings, are beyond weird. And along with that, there are some precious carved mouldings in the kitchen and on the ceilings.

 

Below, I made some notes to explain my assessment further.

 

 

It’s all too weird– Waaaaay too open. There’s no place to put anything (like a server, for example), dozens of square feet of wasted space…

 

Below is the floor plan.

This unit does have some things going for it. There are three balconies and lovely views.

However, I see no reason why the interior can’t be improved upon. Aside from upgrading the layout by moving a few walls and adding others, the biggest problem this place has is one of identity.

It doesn’t know what it is.

 

All I know is that the kitchens and bathrooms need to get ripped out, and that stacked stone needs to be covered or tamed like we did in the post below.

 

A Two-Story Living Room Failure + Many Amazing Transformations! (Parts 1, 2, & 3)

 

Please stay tuned for a new floor plan for this modern apartment, including furniture.

xo,

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