Mistakes Guys Make When Decorating To Impress Women

freaking-out-over-your-paint-colors

 

Hey Guys,

You know… I used to say “Guys” more often until some feminist I guess… uhhh… whatever gave me a good dressing down for saying “Guys.” You can be a feminist and understand the meaning of a colloquialism. Right?

I mean, I grew up in southern Indiana in the 60s and we always said “guys” like: “Hey Guys! Wait up!” And, it was a neighborhood with an extraordinarily high percentage of girls.

 

But, today, I actually DO mean GUYS, literally. And, it’s important. That is… if you’re interested in getting a girlfriend. I want to help with your decorating to impress women.

 

I can help with more than that too; however, I realize that you haven’t asked for my help, but that isn’t stopping me. haha.

And, it’s not that this isn’t for you GALS out there, too. After-all, no matter what, there’s a good chance that if you’re not a guy, you have a guy or are looking for a guy.

Or, maybe you’re a gal who prefers more typically masculine type spaces. I like them too. Actually, I love so many things!

So, where am I going with this?

That’s a very good question. Thank you.

Many of you who’ve been reading for a while, have read numerous posts where a woman is bemoaning her husband’s (or future husband/partner) uhhhh… taste in furniture. Specifically—

 

THE BLS

 

AKA: The BLACK LEATHER SOFA

 

So, why am I talking about decorating to impress women and specifically the BLS today when I’ve brought it up many times?

That’s another very good question.

Do you ever feel that God (or your higher power) is laughing at you? Well, I do.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

 

Online dating.

 

Yes, some of you know that for the last several months, I’ve entered the world of online dating. Uhhh, if one can actually call it “dating.”

And, my vocabularly has increased quite a bit in the last several months, too.

  • Ghosting
  • Kittenfishing
  • Benching
  • Breadcrumbing
  • Firedooring

 

Why am I putting myself through all of that? Well, I’ve been waiting for some wonderful reader to suddenly profess his undying love for me. But that hasn’t happened.

And well… after a lovely three days in early January with my older son. Yes, that one, I realized that I needed to just do it, because being alone all of the time– sucks. So, I downloaded a couple of apps. Wrote out my silly profiles.

 

Looking for hot stud… No, I didn’t say that. It is much worse than that. haha.

 

Of course, in addition to looking at the subject matter, I spend time looking WHERE he is. Forgive me. It’s second nature. And it never fails that there are an incredible number of black leather sofas looming in the background.

 

Well, this morning, for the umpteenth time, I found in my “matches” yet another BLS. Clearly whoever is matching me, frequently fails to understand what constitutes a good match.  That’s what I mean by God laughing at me.

 

dr pozzi poser black leather sofa - Decorating To Impress Women
Anyway, aside from the BLS, it looks like he’s already got company. Just so you know, I’m not fond of sharing. And NO, that is not dude’s face. I wouldn’t post somebody from a dating app on my blog. lol

However, three bonus points if you recognize the face.

 

John Singer Sargent - Dr. Pozzi - Decorating To Impress Women

 

Bingo! Yes! John Singer Sargent’s Dr. Pozzi.

 

Those of you female guys who have engaged in this uhh… interesting exercise of online dating will all-too-well understand the long succession of male guys who appear to spend every waking hour:

 

  • jetting all over the world
  • scaling tall peaks
  • bungee jumping
  • rock climbing
  • hang gliding.

 

And, sometimes all of the above, in the same day. Plus, they want a woman who enjoys all of that too.

Uh oh… I’m in trouble already.

Their pics frequently feature shirtless-hairy-chested-bathroom selfies, or seat-belted-up in their car, or perched on their motorcycle. vrrrmmmm… vrrrmmmm…

 

man holding up huge dead fish

 

OR– Jubilantly, holding up the biggest, deadest FISH one can imagine.

Apparently, these are gay men because they are clearly trying to appeal to other men– not women looking for a romantic male love interest.

 

Note to dudes. While we’re happy to see you hanging with your buds, and pursuing your passions, we are not even slightly turned on by the sight of your dead fish.

 

We will not talk about their homes.

 

Oh, Laurel– Don’t stop now! You’re on a roll… What DO you want to see?

 

You really want to know? Well, you asked for it. ;] Fine, we WILL talk about their homes. And what I want to see is HOT and Nice. Or, Nice and HOT, works too. Thanks for asking.

Now, before I go on, it is possible that an eligible suitor or two has begun to read my blog and is now cowering in a corner thinking that it’s maybe all over.

That is not true.

And here’s why.

 

Furniture is a thing. It is easily changeable.

 

Other things are not changeable. And, it’s the things that are not changeable that are at issue, not the furniture. Besides, those that have substantial issues are not cowering in the corner because they wouldn’t be reading this, not that they are expected to. However, they don’t even know my name, because it’s too confusing to remember who’s who.

yawn…

 

I see a lot of nodding heads out there. No, it’s not just you. This is how it is in 2019. But, let’s not ever give up hope!

 

But, seriously, guys. And, I mean guy guys. If you’re going to go out and purchase furniture… AND, you don’t know what to get, I am going to give you some ideas to help with your decorating to impress women.

How does that sound?

 

Oh, hang on a sec, please.  I have a text message!

 

Ohhhhhh… it’s the HOT and nice and handsome photographer from Bumble. His ears must be buzzing…

Please forgive me, I know it’s rude to text while I’m talking to you. But please try to understand. Okay?

Thanks guys. You’re the best! I love you too!

Okay, I’m back. Such a lovely gentleman. Hope he asks me out!

During our convo, I casually asked him if he owned a sofa and if so, what does it look like.

Well, surprise, surprise, he is the only gentleman on the entire eastern seaboard who does NOT have a BLS!

Nosiree.

He has a sofa like this one!

:]

But, he read the post. (I’m impressed!) And then he changed his mind and said it is a shabby chic linen sofa. He’s a quick study. ;] All in good fun!

 

But, here’s my best advice for you male guys if you wish to get laid attract a high-quality, classy woman…

 

IX-NAY the BLS and the other one in the link above, too.

However, black leather is okay if your sofa and the rest of the room looks like this:

 

Victoria Hagan - black leather sofa - decorating to impress women

 

Handsome room with a black leather sofa by Victoria Hagan

 

Leather in other colors is also okay.

However, velvet is better.

Much better.

Please remember. You are trying to ATTRACT a woman! So, please keep in mind that you are decorating to impress women, not just yourself and your football buddies.

But, of course, we girl guys want you to be comfortable too!

 

About a year ago, someone wrote me that they’d love to purchase from Wisteria but felt that it was too feminine for the men in her family.

 

Actually, I respectfully disagree with that. Most companies have a combination of masculine and feminine furnishings. Sometimes it’s only a matter of changing the fabric or finish on piece that’s customizable.

 

As of this writing, Williams-Sonoma Home and Pottery Barn, West Elm, Rejuvenation et al. are still having great sales. W-S Home is having one right now. Although I have no idea when it’s ending because they don’t tell me these things. They should, but they don’t.

But, I just noticed that they have this room planning thing, so never using it before, I am going to show how easy it is to use.

hahahaha.

It better be.

Okay, this is the deal. I do not want to post this at 2:00 AM. And, while the room planner IS easy to use, they don’t have everything I want to put on the board. So, forget that. Sorry.

And then I remembered.

Geeezzz, what is wrong with me?

 

I’m having a freaking FLASH SALE of my products that’s ending July 10th at 11:59PM ET. 20% OFF EVERYTHING!  And that includes if you get more than one product, you’ll get the double discount.

 

Below is one of 40 boards from the Palette portion of the Laurel Home Essential Paint Collection which of course is part of the sale. This is a super product for the collection of a Benjamin Moore curated paint color collection of 144 of their best colors. And, then suggestions for using those colors in the 40 palette boards.

 

Decorating To Impress Women - Masculine living room - From the Laurel Home Paint and Palette Collection. This is Benjamin Moore Brown Horse wall color
Most of the boards, I feel are rooms that most men would feel comfortable in. Some might need some tweaking. But certainly from a color standpoint.

 

Okay, not a lot of images tonight. But I did put together a widget which focuses on decorating to impress women.

 

I think that everything on here is pretty much mix and match. You wouldn’t do everything in one room because there are multiple coffee table possibilities, for example. Most of the items are currently on sale. Many you will recognize from the Hot Sales which are newly updated.

Please click on the individual images for more information.

 

 

Well guys, hope this has been helpful!

 

And, please remember to take advantage of the sale of my products.

 

 

I’m incredibly proud of each one. And, you can read what others who’ve purchased them have said on the individual pages.

You can access that info from the primary information page.

 

xo,

 

 

 

It is Wednesday evening. While most of you are incredibly delightful, I’ve had a few comments that crossed the line into inappropriate, even abusive. In fact one woman was so bad that she’s been banned from the site, the best I can. This was meant to be a little light-hearted romp of a post.
If you did not find it amusing, I can’t help that. I do enjoy mixing things up. However, not liking something I spent 12+ hours working on does not give you license to verbally attack me or any other readers. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated. Shaming is not. If you don’t know the difference, then please kindly refrain from all commentary and emails.
In addition, please do not give ADVICE unless it is asked for. It is not appropriate and could also be triggering to some readers. Therefore, I had to delete some of these comments, as well.
Unfortunately, it seems that every couple of months or so, I need to lay down the rules.
Thank you for your understanding. I love you all.

Laurel

5th edition rolodex-post-graphic - November 2018 - A unique shopping guide with hundreds of sources created by Laurel Bern

  • Faith - July 15, 2019 - 11:02 AM

    When I met my husband, he had a green Louis-something sofa with wooden Frenchy legs and nailhead detailing.

    We still have it 15 years later… somewhat more worn but well-beloved.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 15, 2019 - 11:18 PM

      Hi Faith,

      If they’re the curvy French legs, it’s probably Louis XV style. The straight tapered French legs are Louis XVI. But, sounds terrific!ReplyCancel

  • Janpartist - July 12, 2019 - 5:01 PM

    This is quite the daring post-kuddos to you for sharing. I got dumped for a younger model at 42 and have now been married to an incredible guy for 20 years-who had a vintage wooden danish modern sofa with recovered brown and orange plaid cushions that were probably filled with boards they were so firm.
    The sofa wasn’t long for “our” world. 2 places not to use “you guys”-if you are a server in a restaurant and a funeral director to the bereaved. My husband has had to mentor several young ladies that that isn’t acceptable in their business-haha. Good luck on your search, they are out there, I met mine through a friend. God love ya for attempting this whole BLS thing!ReplyCancel

  • Vanessa - July 12, 2019 - 3:24 PM

    Gosh, now I want to read all the really mean posts. Can you put them back up for a few minutes? Ha. Anyway, I totally agree with you about the dead fish pictures although if I ever did catch one that big I would probably have my picture taken too. And I teased my soon-to-be-former-husband about getting a bls when he moved out, “don’t stereotype me,” he said. “Mine is gonna be brown.”ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 12, 2019 - 4:37 PM

      haha! One time, I had a notion to save all of them and create a page with the posts. But, one further reflection, I feel that putting up that sh*t just breeds more of the same. Some of the posts weren’t mean as such, but could be upsetting for more sensitive readers. Some readers have lost spouses to death abandon their wives/families and other such possibilities. So, if a commentor is going on and on with unsolicited know-it-all-when-they-really-don’t advice. Then, it could just make the other reader’s trauma even worse.

      I realize that the person giving advice only wants to help, but it’s like everything else; if someone wants help, they will ask for it. Otherwise, I’ve learned that it’s best to let them figure it out for themselves. This post about some furnishings that I think would look fab in a single man’s bachelor pad; but, set within a satire of online dating, in a tongue in cheek manner; not a cry for help.

      It’s actually going quite well at the moment.ReplyCancel

  • celestial - July 11, 2019 - 3:31 PM

    I read this post with great delight because my son, my sky-diving, motorcycling, deer hunting, hiking, running-with-the-bull-in-Pamplona son just bought his first sofa…and it is a cream-color linen with a matching foot stool! He has passed your test! Unfortunately, he already has a love interest (and he is only 27), so I won’t introduce you but take heart! There are such men out there!!!! Thank you for your blog; it gives me such joy to read. I’m sorry for all the poops who take such joy in belittling others and especially you; they deserve to sit in a corner on a black leather sofa in the sun until they come to their moral senses.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 12, 2019 - 9:51 AM

      Hi Celestia,

      Yes, there are. In fact, my wasband, when I met him in 1986 had a WHITE cotton duck sectional! He did, however, have a platform bed with a futon. lol When I was pregnant with our first child lying on that futon felt like sleeping on a rock. 1800mattres to the rescue!

      I’ve heard from many men in their twenties! One was only 20! lol Isn’t there a dating site for cougars and cubs? haha!ReplyCancel

  • Val - July 11, 2019 - 3:07 PM

    Laurel, you’re amazing, beautiful, talented, funny, smart and so so sweet!!! I i were a man I would marry you in a second. But I’m just a blog reader who seriously loves you. Nothing about interior design from me today, sorry!ReplyCancel

  • Elna - July 11, 2019 - 12:53 PM

    I enjoyed this post so much! You had me at John Singer Sargent’s Dr. Pozzi. Actually I enjoy ALL your posts and look forward to getting every one. I appreciate your talent and experience immensely. I know there is a good man out there for you so keep trying.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 12, 2019 - 9:45 AM

      Thank you so much for the support! I really appreciate that Elna!ReplyCancel

  • Chris - July 11, 2019 - 12:41 PM

    Haha, great post Laurel.
    And these comments are so fun! You have me intrigued about the webcam thrown into the weeds….
    Clearly the internet has been a godsend to MEN. No longer do they need to find a mate…they have a smorgasbord online! Serial dating…(I really mean serial sexcapades…or heck…just go to the local massage parlor!)
    I have beautiful sexy talented girlfriends that can not find anyone. We are all in our late 50s and 60s. What the heck!?! Just read the Epstein news…so gross and yet so pervasive. I remember those days of being a young teenager and the DOM that would approach. Yech…you are right, all men are pervs to one extent or another. Only on this planet to “procreate”… haha! Useless really.
    Anyway, I do have a heck of a lot more fun with my girlfriends and dogs than with any man. And that is the truth! No, not taking sour grapes…just the truth. When I see the young girls/women all in love with their young boys…and writing on instagram that it is true love and they will be married for ever, soul mate…blah blah…I have to snark laugh. I do wish them the best though, we’ve all been there.
    About the words “you guys”, yep, grew up in the 70s and it was normal to us.
    You know what is abnormal? That the word F&CK is being used as a normal descriptive word now all the time (!) amongst the millennials…even in business meetings and companies, on blogs, tv, and generally all over the place. The meaning of it is changing worldwide, all over Europe too…and it is becoming accepted an just another word. I even find myself using it hourly…but not in public…LOL…
    Good luck to you Laurel and keep us posted to your success! Yeah, we are nosy…ReplyCancel

  • Karen - July 11, 2019 - 9:53 AM

    Love your post, as always Laurel! You are always so generous with your advice. I wish you all the best as you navigate the minefield of online dating. The guy who is lucky enough to get you will need to match you in your wicked sense of humour, and intellect! All the best.ReplyCancel

  • Roxanne - July 11, 2019 - 8:57 AM

    Seriously, “hey guys” is politically incorrect now?!? Being Southern like me, you could always say Hey, Y’all. Word of warning if a guy says “ Hey, y’all hold my beer and watch this”…immediately call 911 because it is not going to end well!!!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 11, 2019 - 11:25 AM

      Hi Roxanne,

      Yes, we said “Hey, y’all” too in southern Indiana.ReplyCancel

  • Eleanor - July 10, 2019 - 10:12 PM

    Best of luck with online dating, Laurel! I didn’t have success with it but I did end up with some hilarious stories…and I know people who have met their spouses that way. I am so thankful that my husband had minimal possessions when we met. There was definitely no attempt at impressing the ladies in that apartment…After 9 years of marriage, there are only a few things I am still trying to get rid of..hahReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 11, 2019 - 11:25 AM

      Thanks so much Eleanor. I met my wasband through a personal ad back in 1986. I remain hopeful. Always.ReplyCancel

  • Montana - July 10, 2019 - 9:50 PM

    Hi Laurel: After being married for almost 50 years, I found myself replaced, and bought a house…much more fun! Your blog has taken on every single design dilemma I have had, and you always have the answer, sometimes even before I have the question. So I love all your posts, but this one made me laugh out loud. Hope you find the guy guy you deserve, and just try to ignore any awful comments you may get from those whose mama never taught them right. People get snippy, snide and completely inappropriate even when commenting on recipes, never mind a fellow human. Hang in there!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:44 PM

      Well, I just wrote a fairly long response and my finger spazzed out and it’s gone. But, I so appreciate your support. And grrrr on your husband. I don’t understand that at all.

      As for others: My beautiful mentor Eileen used to remind me that sometimes people start commenting and they are totally tanked.ReplyCancel

  • Pam Swingle - July 10, 2019 - 7:21 PM

    Hi Laura!
    I met my husband on eharmony. He posted a photo of himself skydiving out of an airplane. No alarm, he was tied to a professional skydiver. The picture I loved was of him holding his granddaughter. I liked eharmony because there is a detailed questionnaire to fill out that is quite lengthy and they do well with the matching. You only see the profiles of men you are matched with and vise versa. Most men like pics of themselves posing in front of their cars, airplanes, bikes etc. LOL, not as endearing as seeing them in a more sincere family photo.ReplyCancel

  • Louise Richardson - July 10, 2019 - 1:27 PM

    Just FYI RE: Online dating. I divorced in 2004, at the age of 44. I went immediately online to eHarmony and Match. I met my future husband on eHarmony within a few weeks. We were married 14 months later, and we’ve been wonderfully married ever since! ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 6:38 PM

      Hi Louise,

      I’m very happy for you Louise! Ya know, I met my husband of 25 years by placing an ad in NY magazine. I also met him early on. I wasn’t expecting to, but it was easy. That was back in 1986. Times have really changed and online dating has changed hugely since 2004, as well. And, not in a good way. Not in a good way, at all.ReplyCancel

  • Mary - July 10, 2019 - 1:12 PM

    OMG! So funny and so true!! And in my opinion and experience, any with repressed perv tendencies had them unleashed once the internet came along! It’s the good, as with YOUR posts, and the bad, live sex cams! It’s all too tempting for them!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 6:18 PM

      Well, Mary. Yes, the internet has contributed to the demise of many unions. And somewhere in the bushes lies a webcam yanked mercilessly from it’s home one hot, humid summer evening 8 years ago.ReplyCancel

  • Bonnie - July 10, 2019 - 12:57 PM

    Thanks for the *HILARIOUS* comments – they are the spice in your blog!
    My husband has definite tastes and doesn’t like the sectional sofas. He has a leather recliner in his mancave/garage. We moved our leather sofa to the upstairs FROG for comfy TV viewing. That room will need a serious makeover when the kids outgrow the toys!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 6:12 PM

      Thanks so much Bonnie! I think that the comments are the spice as well!ReplyCancel

  • Risa - July 10, 2019 - 12:24 PM

    Lol on the ubiquitous black leather bachelor sofa! My friend who is a realtor has mentioned this cultural phenomenon she has encountered in many of her listings over the years, showing homes where the single male decor is less than inviting.

    Recently she had a listing for a newly-divorced male. The only pieces of furniture in the house were a bed and the Black Leather Monolith.. Wife had moved out and the only piece of furniture she left was the ugly sofa she refused to take with her!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 12:54 PM

      haha! It’s true. My other posts mention this phenomenon that I encountered at least a dozen times over the years with young couples.ReplyCancel

  • Lisa D. - July 10, 2019 - 12:23 PM

    Even if you don’t meet a potential mate, you would certainly make some professional connections. Lots of professional women meet and make deals with their male counterparts on the golf course. Men have been doing this for years.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 12:53 PM

      Well, not to be arrogant, but I’m not looking to make professional connections. I already have those. And, 99% are not local. Of course, I love meeting new people, but again, my business as a blogger is exceedingly esoteric and exotic around these parts.ReplyCancel

  • Lisa D. - July 10, 2019 - 12:21 PM

    Laurel, have you thought of taking up golf? You would very likely meet lots of nice men that way. Even if you’ve never played, find a nice golf club or course in your area and take some lessons from their pro. Good luck!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 12:50 PM

      Oh haha! I’m sure that you mean well, but please I am not looking for ways to meet men. I’ve gone to dozens of meet-ups and the like. Nothing. Around these parts there are lots of nice (not usually HOT) married men. I’ve been to two business networking things in the city this year. Both times, the next day a married (not nice or HOT) man tried to pick me up.

      I’m not saying that there won’t be any single men. But, Westchester is largely a bedroom community; very few single men. And the odds are very slim that I would come across that one exceedingly rare person. Besides, I suck at it; And, I can’t be out in the hot sun for hours either.ReplyCancel

  • Michele - July 10, 2019 - 12:02 PM

    Love this post! Too funny and too true!! What is it about sitting in the driver’s seat of a car that makes people want to capture the moment? These photos are ALL OVER the internet. All the best on the on-line dating. I’ve known some people that have at least met some interesting friends. Love your post and your wonderful sense of humor. You’re a catch, but you smell better.ReplyCancel

  • Mary - July 10, 2019 - 11:51 AM

    I always love your posts but this one really hit home. I find myself CONSIDERING dating after divorcing after forty years of marriage…yes, he wanted a younger model…or I should say MODELS! Ha. My first attempt with online dating on Christian Mingle resulted with me being matched with someone more than half my age and who asked me in our first messaging to pretend I was a nurse in the war and to tell him how I was going to make his injured body feel better! Needless to say 24 hours of that was enough for me! There was nothing Christian about most of the matches! But good luck to you!
    I still love my Rainforest Dew walls thanks to your recommendation!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 12:34 PM

      Hi Mary,

      Oh, don’t get me started. Quite frankly, that’s fairly tame. Look, whether it’s outwardly evident or not, ALL men are pervs.

      PLEASE DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME. ;]

      Go ask any man. If he looks at you like you have rocks in your head and denies it; that’s the tell. He’s lying. But, most will admit it with a chuckle. Especially, if you don’t make it personal. Instead ask of any man, “Are ALL men pervs?”

      The question is: Do you like your perv or do you not like your perv? If a woman doesn’t want to be around any pervs but she wants company, then she might consider getting a female cat or dog instead of a male of the human species.ReplyCancel

  • Lisa Ross - July 10, 2019 - 11:41 AM

    When I was single a long time ago, what made me shudder was when guys had any decor that was clearly selected by or handed down from their mother.

    I’m talking frilly curtains and that kind of thing. Things that belong in the grandma decor post you did a while back. It’s my pet peeve haha. I just want to see that the man has his own thoughts and is capable of at least attempting to influence his own habitat.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 12:23 PM

      Hi Lisa,

      I would’ve felt that way more-so 30 years ago. But now, it is way down on the list.ReplyCancel

  • Diane Rasmussen - July 10, 2019 - 9:46 AM

    I found your blog recently and have been spending so many hours reading and admiring photos even my daughter giving birth had a hard time pulling me away. (Yes I went to the hospital to see her and she is beautiful, she reminds me of your pink rooms and her middle name is Rose). Loved this article and one of the funniest I’ve read. Good luck on the internet dating, even if you don’t find “the one “ they may introduce you to him. BTW, we all say “You Guys” in the mid west. Got a lot of grief for that when I lived on the east coast. They all said Ya’ll. Like that’s any better.ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:40 AM

      Hi Diane,

      Being from southern Indiana and having that Kentucky influence on us, we also said “y’all.”

      And, congratulations on the birth of your grand-daughter!ReplyCancel

  • Linda D. - July 10, 2019 - 9:17 AM

    Great post, as always! The widgets are full of things my husband could live with. (I say decorating blog and his eyes glass over, BUT if I say leather couch, he’ll at least look…and THEN I pounce!)
    I had to laugh at the first photo of the guy with the dog on his lap. As I scrolled down, I said, Hey, wait a minute…that guy looks alot like that Singer Sargent painting…Good photoshopping! lol When I was in college we used to call that painting The Hot Santa because of the colors!ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:38 AM

      Hi Linda,

      Hot Santa indeed! It appears that Mr. Sargent thought so too!ReplyCancel

  • ann - July 10, 2019 - 8:16 AM

    If you ever quit blogging, I would no longer look forward to Wednesdays and Sundays…This post was hilarious (and informative) 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:37 AM

      Awww, that is so sweet Ann! I really appreciate your kind words!ReplyCancel

  • sharri - July 10, 2019 - 7:41 AM

    Laurel, I had to laugh when I read your post- it was nice to know another independent, competent, classy woman couldn’t get matched with a similar man on an online profile. I get matched over and over with men who appear to have cleaned out their garages AND THEN SAID WHY NOT TAKE A SELFIE FOR MY ONLINE PROFILE! I think we should start a business. I’ll do the clean up of profiles and you’ll help them with their houses. I’d have to make money at this because it could be worse than a bad marriage. My new motto is no more fixer uppers….in houses or men. I just want to “decorate.”ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:36 AM

      Hi Sharri,

      LOL – Oh, please let me help with the profiles too. pretty please??? Alas, as you know, you can’t fix broken people. They have to want to fix themselves if they even can see that they need fixing. I have a keen interest in psychology. Have for years.ReplyCancel

  • Connie Fowler - July 10, 2019 - 7:34 AM

    Hi Laurel,

    Any woman who would dress you down for using the word ‘guys’ to refer to women would probably also take issue with the word ‘gals’. I read somewhere that it diminishes us as women, or some such nonsense. And yes, people here in Illinois say both all the all the time. The sanctimonious need to get oner themselves. I’m glad I can say that here!

    I so wish I’d had you in my pocket years ago when I was decorating. I continue to be inspired by all of your posts, and I’m starting to want to change a few things out. Glad to know that you can earn some $$ by our using your links, so when I finally convince my Marlboro Man it’s time to dump the ersatz, that’s what I’ll do. Take care!

    ConnieReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:24 AM

      Hi Connie,

      Sanctimonious. That’s the word! Recently, I’ve had some notifications on my phone from pinterest. Normally, I don’t see them, but some of my pins have the most vicious comments. I saw one yesterday and one other person joined in, in two part disharmony, but then three or four people created a chorus of strength and positivity, but still calling them out as being unnecessarily nasty and hurtful.

      As I hit send on this one, I cringed a little because I realize that there are a couple of saucy terms in there. Gosh. I guess they don’t have teen-aged boys. lol They should only hear me in real life. The blog is the hugely toned-down version of the smutty words I am prone to use with company who either appreciates it or doesn’t care. My mother actually tried washing my mouth out with soap when I was FOUR.

      I spat it back out at her. haha

      And thank you so much for your interest in using the links for purchases. It’s a tiny percentage, for sure. But with over 3,000,000 readers, annually,(yes, that blows my mind too!) even one-third of one percent is a lot of orders. And, while I can’t see what they’re buying, (only clicking on before the order is placed, if I care to look which I usually don’t) some people are purchasing expensive items. Those are fun days!

      I’m incredibly grateful and can’t believe after all of these years, that I can finally afford to do all of the things I never could the first 60 years.ReplyCancel

  • Laura - July 10, 2019 - 6:53 AM

    Haha Haha! I had to google each one of those terms, except ghosting. I invented ghosting back in the late 80’s. But am not proud of it…I just didn’t know how to say, thanks but no,thanks. I am sorry the online dating isn’t going better. Have you tried speed dating? I had a friend who took a bricklaying course to meet men, and yes, it worked. Remember the other place I suggested you go…don’t want to say it on here…

    I love a room that has more masculine tendency’s. Ralph Lauren being one of my favorites too.

    Bw from hot FloridaReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 10:05 AM

      Hi Laura,

      Yes, ghosting has been around forever, we just didn’t call it that. The proverbial “I’ll call you.” No, you won’t. You will set up our next date RIGHT NOW! Although, I had a date that did that and then I told him the next day that I couldn’t.

      Bricklaying, eh? Very useful when living in an apartment building.

      I think that wordpress should install some emojis. I can’t write without them anymore. lol, eyes rolling, cry laughing

      Oh, yes… I have a whole lol parody, too.

      But, of course, now that the kittenfish is out of the bag, I can occasionally interject a few things here and there while discussing the difference between a damask and a jacquard. (actually, none)

      Miss you! xoxo

      PS: please give Duncan a big hug from me!ReplyCancel

  • Ohno - July 10, 2019 - 2:54 AM

    You are too funny!! I like a good laugh right before I go to bed (alone, btw, and am ready to sacrifice some of my precious alone time since my cat died, so online dating might just be in my future as well…)ReplyCancel

    • Laurel Bern - July 10, 2019 - 9:58 AM

      Hi Ohno,

      Thank you so much! I’m so sorry to hear about your furbaby. I lost mine in December 2014. Worst pain ever. I cried so hard, the skin around my eyes was raw and burning.ReplyCancel

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