You know… I used to say “Guys” more often until some feminist I guess… uhhh… whatever gave me a good dressing down for saying “Guys.” You can be a feminist and understand the meaning of a colloquialism. Right?
I mean, I grew up in southern Indiana in the 60s and we always said “guys” like: “Hey Guys! Wait up!” And, it was a neighborhood with an extraordinarily high percentage of girls.
But, today, I actually DO mean GUYS, literally. And, it’s important. That is… if you’re interested in getting a girlfriend. I want to help with your decorating to impress women.
I can help with more than that too; however, I realize that you haven’t asked for my help, but that isn’t stopping me. haha.
And, it’s not that this isn’t for you GALS out there, too. After-all, no matter what, there’s a good chance that if you’re not a guy, you have a guy or are looking for a guy.
Or, maybe you’re a gal who prefers more typically masculine type spaces. I like them too. Actually, I love so many things!
So, where am I going with this?
That’s a very good question. Thank you.
Many of you who’ve been reading for a while, have read numerous posts where a woman is bemoaning her husband’s (or future husband/partner) uhhhh… taste in furniture. Specifically—
AKA: The BLACK LEATHER SOFA
So, why am I talking about decorating to impress women and specifically the BLS today when I’ve brought it up many times?
That’s another very good question.
Do you ever feel that God (or your higher power) is laughing at you? Well, I do.
Here’s what I’m talking about.
Yes, some of you know that for the last several months, I’ve entered the world of online dating. Uhhh, if one can actually call it “dating.”
And, my vocabularly has increased quite a bit in the last several months, too.
- Ghosting – after numerous texts, phone calls, dates, etc. the (woosy) suitor just vanishes off the face of the earth. However, frequently reappears several months later as if it was really only one day. Recommendation. Block and ignore said individual.
- Kittenfishing – This is an off-shoot of Catfishing. Catfishing is using someone else’s pics as if they are you, for some nefarious purpose, or just because the suitor is only interested in chatting. Generally, it is a 400 pound man living in his mother’s basement. That’s fine, but of course, misrepresenting yourself is not.
Kittenfishing is when you feel that you don’t stand a chance of attracting a quality partner and therefore use pics of yourself that are 20+ years old, put through filters, or otherwise enhanced via photo shop to make you look a lot better than you really do.
- Benching – When a guy can’t make up his mind what to do with you but also doesn’t want to let you go. (For solution, see ghosting)
- Breadcrumbing – Similar to Benching, only the “love interest” will come on strong for a very short period of time, usually one date, (or lots of texts for a few days) do a heavy-duty seduction/charm thing and then like a lab rat experiment, will give you intermittent, but the barest minimum amount of attention. Like, a random wink every two weeks.
This is a popular technique used by players who are incapable of any kind of commitment with anyone. Do not listen to your head which is saying, but… but… but… There is no but. I REPEAT. THERE IS NO BUT. Dude, is a loser-idiot who’s effing with your head. Trust me. He is. Same advice as for ghosting and benching– block and ignore.
- Firedooring – A most peculiar situation where dude sends you a wink, a like, a smile or some other middle-school level sign of interest. Then, naturally thinking that he’s also attractive you respond with a brief note. And then, you never hear from him again. And, you’re not going to.
Oh, I see so many nodding heads, I’m surprised it isn’t causing an earthquake.
So, why am I putting myself through all of that?
That’s a very good question. Thank you. Well, I’ve been waiting for some wonderful reader to suddenly profess his undying love for me. But that hasn’t happened.
And well… after a lovely three days in early January with my older son. Yes, that one, I realized that I needed to just do it, because being alone all of the time– sucks. So, I downloaded a couple of apps. Wrote out my silly profiles.
Looking for hot stud… No, I didn’t say that. It is much worse than that. haha.
Of course, in addition to looking at the subject matter, I spend time looking WHERE he is. Forgive me. It’s second nature. And it never fails that there are an incredible number of black leather sofas looming in the background.
Well, this morning, for the umpteenth time, I found in my “matches” yet another BLS. Clearly whoever is matching me, frequently fails to understand what constitutes a good match. That’s what I mean by God laughing at me.
Anyway, aside from the BLS, it looks like he’s already got company. And, just so you know, I’m not fond of sharing. And NO, that is not dude’s face. I wouldn’t post somebody from a dating app on my blog. lol
However, three bonus points if you recognize the face.
Those of you female guys who have engaged in this uhh… interesting exercise of online dating will all-too-well understand the long succession of male guys who appear to spend every waking hour:
- jetting all over the world
- scaling tall peaks
- bungee jumping
- rock climbing
- hang gliding.
And, sometimes all of the above, in the same day. Plus, they want a woman who enjoys all of that too.
Uh oh… I’m in trouble already.
Their pics frequently feature shirtless-hairy-chested-bathroom selfies, or seat-belted-up in their car, or perched on their motorcycle. vrrrmmmm… vrrrmmmm…
OR– Jubilantly, holding up the biggest, deadest FISH one can imagine.
Apparently, these are gay men because they are clearly trying to appeal to other men– not women looking for a romantic male love interest.
Note to dudes. While we’re happy to see you hanging with your buds, and pursuing your passions, we are not even slightly turned on by the sight of your dead fish.
We will not talk about their homes.
Oh, Laurel– Don’t stop now! You’re on a roll… What DO you want to see?
You really want to know? Well, you asked for it. ;] Fine, we WILL talk about their homes. And what I want to see is HOT and Nice. Or, Nice and HOT, works too. Thanks for asking.
Now, before I go on, it is possible that an eligible suitor or two has begun to read my blog and is now cowering in a corner thinking that it’s maybe all over.
That is not true.
And here’s why.
Furniture is a thing. It is easily changeable.
Other things are not changeable. And, it’s the things that are not changeable that are at issue, not the furniture. Besides, those that have substantial issues are not cowering in the corner because they wouldn’t be reading this, not that they are expected to. However, they don’t even know my name, because it’s too confusing to remember who’s who.
I see a lot of nodding heads out there. No, it’s not just you. This is how it is in 2019. But, let’s not ever give up hope!
But, seriously, guys. And, I mean guy guys. If you’re going to go out and purchase furniture… AND, you don’t know what to get, I am going to give you some ideas to help with your decorating to impress women.
How does that sound?
Oh, hang on a sec, please. I have a text message!
Ohhhhhh… it’s the HOT and nice and handsome photographer from Bumble. His ears must be buzzing…
Please forgive me, I know it’s rude to text while I’m talking to you. But please try to understand. Okay?
Thanks guys. You’re the best! I love you too!
Okay, I’m back. Such a lovely gentleman. Hope he asks me out!
During our convo, I casually asked him if he owned a sofa and if so, what does it look like.
Well, surprise, surprise, he is the only gentleman on the entire eastern seaboard who does NOT have a BLS!
But, he read the post. (I’m impressed!) And then he changed his mind and said it is a shabby chic linen sofa. He’s a quick study. ;] All in good fun! (note: dude turned out to be a dud, but we won’t go into that. I never met him after he asked me out– twice.)
But, here’s my best advice for you male guys if you wish to
get laid attract a high-quality, classy woman…
IX-NAY the BLS and the other one in the link above, too.
However, black leather is okay if your sofa and the rest of the room looks like this:
Leather in other colors is also okay.
However, velvet is better.
Please remember. You are trying to ATTRACT a woman! So, please keep in mind that you are decorating to impress women, not just yourself and your football buddies.
But, of course, we girl guys want you to be comfortable too!
About a year ago, someone wrote me that they’d love to purchase from Wisteria but felt that it was too feminine for the men in her family.
Actually, I respectfully disagree with that. Most companies have a combination of masculine and feminine furnishings. Sometimes it’s only a matter of changing the fabric or finish on piece that’s customizable.
As of this writing, Williams-Sonoma Home and Pottery Barn, West Elm, Rejuvenation et al. are still having great sales. W-S Home is having one right now. Although I have no idea when it’s ending because they don’t tell me these things. They should, but they don’t.
But, I just noticed that they have this room planning thing, so never using it before, I am going to show how easy it is to use.
It better be.
Okay, this is the deal. I do not want to post this at 2:00 AM. And, while the room planner IS easy to use, they don’t have everything I want to put on the board. So, forget that. Sorry.
And then I remembered.
Geeezzz, what is wrong with me?
I’m having a freaking FLASH SALE of my products that’s ending July 10th at 11:59PM ET. 20% OFF EVERYTHING! And that includes if you get more than one product, you’ll get the double discount.
Below is one of 40 boards from the Palette portion of the Laurel Home Essential Paint Collection which of course is part of the sale. This is a super product for the collection of a Benjamin Moore curated paint color collection of 144 of their best colors. And, then suggestions for using those colors in the 40 palette boards.
Most of the boards, I feel are rooms that most men would feel comfortable in. Some might need some tweaking. But certainly from a color standpoint.
Okay, not a lot of images tonight. But I did put together a widget which focuses on decorating to impress women.
I think that everything on here is pretty much mix and match. You wouldn’t do everything in one room because there are multiple coffee table possibilities, for example. Most of the items are currently on sale. Many you will recognize from the Hot Sales which are newly updated.
Please click on the individual images for more information.
Well guys, hope this has been helpful!
And, please remember to take advantage of the sale of my products.
I’m incredibly proud of each one. And, you can read what others who’ve purchased them have said on the individual pages.
It is Wednesday evening. While most of you are incredibly delightful, I’ve had a few comments that crossed the line into inappropriate, even abusive. In fact one woman was so bad that she’s been banned from the site, the best I can. This was meant to be a little light-hearted romp of a post.
If you did not find it amusing, I can’t help that. I do enjoy mixing things up. However, not liking something I spent 12+ hours working on does not give you license to verbally attack me or any other readers. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated. Shaming is not. If you don’t know the difference, then please kindly refrain from all commentary and emails.
In addition, please do not give ADVICE unless it is asked for. It is not appropriate and could also be triggering to some readers. Therefore, I had to delete some of these comments, as well.
Unfortunately, it seems that every couple of months or so, I need to lay down the rules.
Thank you for your understanding. I love you all.